The End of Me
In 2011, I came to the end of myself. For years, questions and fear of the future gripped me, and it did not take long for my fears to become an actuality, for the future to become, “Is there any more of speak of?”
Some years prior to that, I accepted the Lord on a whim. It was the product of Dajie’s persistent invitation to Shalom. Someone from the church came to talk to the 14-15 year-old me, and not knowing why or what it really entailed, I said ok, followed by a simple prayer. So that’s how it happened. For a while, even though it was rather one-sided, the Lord already knew me.
The Drought
So, fast forward again to 2011 (I was 22), He walked me through one of the darkest times of my life. Day after day, and later week after week, it wasn’t the needles & procedures I truly feared, but the reports that followed. He also brought people into my life. Charles was someone whom I once thought I would never date, let alone marry. Maybe it was vulnerability that had caused me to become trapped behind my own emotional defences. But it was also vulnerability that later opened my heart to allow myself to be loved, by Him and by him.
By the end of 2011, I invited the Lord into my life once again. This time I wanted and needed Him, very badly.
For the next few years, I journeyed with Him, together with him. The road to recovery saw drug intolerance, and side effects that crept in. I had to rely on those medications to sustain me, for the rest of my life. It was slowly, but surely, that things sort of returned to normalcy.
There were also emotional struggles. I struggled with anxiety, struggled with the idea that God can heal and will do that for me. On days I didn’t believe it, he believed on my behalf. On days we both had doubts, we prayed anyway. Sometimes my lips declared, but my heart was not fully in-sync. Questions of what-if would float in my mind. After all, medical science has it that there is no known cure—you just got to live with it.
The Breakthrough
But God is good. The years were bearable; I felt so contented and enjoyed blessings, companionship, and life in general.
In 2015, Charles proposed. This time I wanted and needed him, very badly.
In 2017, my health breakthrough came. Well, there came a point we just declared it enough to fully believe in the miracle. I guess that’s what faith demands. You need to just let go; and now all we had to do was to take the plunge. After discussions with my Dr., and in view of family planning, we decided to stop medications. Being liberated from medications was the next best thing that happened that year, next to saying “I do”. 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, and a year passed; and every report that came back has been nothing but pristine.
In church we are taught that all promises of God are “Yes and Amen”. So it is “Yes and Amen” that the subsequent reports will continue to testify His glory.
In short, God has faithfully brought me through a season of drought in my life.
The New Season
To me, our marriage is divine. I love every part of it. There was no “honeymoon phase” that they spoke of, because every phase was a sweet one and our relationship just grew as we moved along. It helps a lot with Jesus in it. It helps a lot to know how we survived the drought, how we were delivered from it.
As the season transpired, we made more requests. We wanted to go on a mission trip together; and it happened.
We wanted a child.
And it happened.
The Harvest
Coming from a place where the drug that sustained my life will not be able to sustain another one, this child means so much to us.
God is so good to us. As long as we asked, he answered—without hesitation. We did not try to conceive. Just like how He was waiting for us to take the plunge so that we could see the healing manifest, He was all set to bless us as long as we were ready.
Drenched in His Love
I’m enjoying my pregnancy. As surely as He has brought us through one season after another, this one is no exception. We are very much looking forward to this new adventure called “Parenthood”, with all its ups and downs, tears and joy.
Let us be drenched in the latter rain!
Into your hands
I commit again
With all I am, for you, Lord
You hold my world
In the palm of your hand
And I am yours forever
Jesus I believe in you
Jesus I belong to you
You’re the reason that I live
The reason that I sing
With all I am